Things aren’t going well for Texas GOP Senator Ted Cruz.
Poor Teddy is facing a rough re-election fight in the once reliably red Lone Star state, but his Democratic challenger, Beto O’Rourke, is fundraising at a record-setting pace and touring the entire state of Texas to prove he wants to hear from every Texan.
Also, there’s the simple fact that no one really likes Teddy Boy. They never have. His Senate colleagues can barely stomach the sight of him, and even Donald Trump made fun of him in the 2016 Republican primaries, dubbing him “Lyin’ Ted” and suggesting that Cruz’s father had something to do with the assassination of President Kennedy.
On Wednesday, Cruz was at a campaign event when a woman approached him and announced:
“I’m a woman over 50, who (as of February 7th) has seven active pre-existing conditions. I’m not counting being female, and a survivor of abuse. I purchase my individual policy on the Health Insurance Exchange. If you force me into a high-risk pool, you will either bankrupt me or kill me. I take your threats of medical aggression personally and seriously; and I can assure you, I’m not the only Texan who does.”
Before Senator Cruz could respond, the woman asked:
“My question is: Will you pledge to submit to a DNA test, to prove that you’re human?”
A clearly embarrassed Cruz managed to comment:
“One of the great things about our democratic system is that we can treat each other with respect and civility.”
The woman persisted, again asking:
“Is that a yes or a no?”
The lizard-like Cruz refused to respond directly, remarking:
“Ma’am, if you want to engage in insults, that’s your prerogative, but I’m not going to reciprocate.”
But the brave lady reminded the Texas Senator:
“It’s a yes-or-no question.”
There are two possibilities for why Cruz refused to respond to the woman’s query or take the DNA test:
- He’s not really a human. (More likely some sort of hybrid amphibian who walks on two legs.)
- Cruz didn’t get approval to give a straight answer from the 14-headed overlords on Planet Douchebag where he was hatched.
Either way, it’s starting to look like the 2018 Blue Wave may finally (mercifully) rid us of Ted Cruz in the U.S Senate.