The Donald Takes To Twitter In A Pathetic Attempt To Pretend He Didn’t Lose In Iowa

First things first: Donald Trump, who placed second in last night’s Iowa caucus, lost. And by his own political calculus, that makes him a loser for the evening and a loser in Iowa. So Trump lost and is a loser. Glad we could clear that up because it may come in handy later.

Last night, shortly after the results were posted and it became clear that Ted Cruz had won Iowa for the Republicans, the Donald took the stage and made a halfway decent concession speech. Take a look:

For a moment there, Trump was almost magnanimous and humble, two things he has never been known to excel at. But then he woke up this morning and took to his computer, where he tweeted out this:

See what he’s trying to do there? He wants to spin a loss into a kind of victory, but as we all know, if you’re in second place, that just makes you the first place loser, and Trump lost Iowa.

Next we get the rationalizations and justifications for why Trump lost, and the first one goes a little something like this:

Great honor to lose? Uh…no. Losing is what losers do, as Trump has said on thousands of occasions. So he is a loser who lost in Iowa and will lose again in other states. At times he will lose badly. But here we have Trump’s third attempt to do damage control:

Yes, and Ted Cruz, whom Trump maintains is not even an American citizen, got the highest vote total in history! So why isn’t Trump tipping his cap to Cruz? Because he has no concept of how to act when you lose, which he did in Iowa. I repeat, TRUMP LOST IN IOWA.

Then a few minutes later Trump goes back to the keyboard and sends out this bit of spoiled tripe:

Now he’s gone from denial and rationalization to blame for the media. Gotta be their fault he LOST. Yep, he’s still a loser.

Finally, we get this from the Hamster Headed One:

He wants credit for self-funding? Can we also give him credit and praise for being a massive dillhole who is a discredit to the human race? Because this loser cannot admit the most basic fact about Iowa: He lost.

Donald, you’re a loser. Last night, today, and tomorrow. You lost, you loser, so just deal with it.

This article was originally published by the same author at

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