Diagnosed? Here’s What May Be Wrong With Mitch McConnell’s ‘Dead’ Hands

You’ve probably seen the photos on social media. They show Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s (R-KY) hands looking purple and black, as if, one person on Twitter noted, they’re “dead.”

See for yourself:

What in the hell is going on with that? Is he rotting from the inside? Shouldn’t the voters of Kentucky be apprised of the situation? After all, McConnell is up for reelection in November.

BuzzFeed News began asking around and what they found is almost as bizarre as the photo itself:

“Do you have some kind of health issue?” asked Politico reporter John Bresnahan. “Everyone been’s talking about your hands.”

“I’ve been worried about your health, Bres. How are you feeling?” replied McConnell, using the reporter’s nickname.

“But I’m serious, is there anything going on we should know about?” asked Bresnahan.

“Of course not,” replied McConnell.

That only led to more speculation, and the internet was only too happy to provide that in spades:

Granted, those are interesting and even hilarious suggestions, but they don’t actually answer the question of what is wrong with Moscow Mitch.

Fortunately, someone gave us a possible diagnosis that didn’t involve a horcrux:

Blood thinners? Those are normally used on people with heart problems. Does McConnell have heart disease? His office refused to say:

“McConnell’s office did not respond to numerous requests for comment from BuzzFeed News about the health of the top Senate Republican, who is up for reelection in Kentucky in just under two weeks.”

What’s the deal, Mitch? Are you ever going to let us know? Or are you ashamed that you put that horcrux ring on when you saw it in a Louisville pawn shop?

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