Fair warning: Before you read any further, you may want to have a barf bag handy.
According to two conservative commentators, the Trump reelection campaign can depend on the sex appeal of Vice President Mike Pence to help them win the votes of women in suburbia.
Jesse Kelly is a syndicated radio host, and on Thursday he posted this:
FWIW, the Trump campaign might wanna feature Pence a little more if they’re worried about suburban moms. I’m picking up a lot of chatter about how….popular he is with them.
— Jesse Kelly (@JesseKellyDC) October 8, 2020
Really? Mike Pence is popular with suburban moms? That must be the suburban moms who desperately need eyeglasses.
As if Kelly’s tweet wasn’t bad enough, right-wing commentator Kurt Schlicter, who writes for TownHall.com, went even further, getting disgustingly graphic with his posting on Twitter:
Let’s just say it… Suburban women sense that Pence knows how to lay pipe.@JesseKellyDC https://t.co/I9PfAg8o9r
— Kurt Schlichter (@KurtSchlichter) October 8, 2020
That odd sensation you feel creeping across your body is laughter mixed with nausea. Mike Pence knows how to lay pipe? He calls his own wife “Mother!” He’s about as neutered as a man can be without having actually gone to a veterinarian and gotten the surgery.
Thankfully, both Kelly and Schlicter got the mockery they so richly deserved:
Yeah, there’s a huge undercurrent of suburban soccer-moms who get hot ‘n horny thinking about a department store mannequin who refers to his own wife as ” mother”.
— Steve F. (@backyardsage) October 9, 2020
Yeah, there’s a huge undercurrent of suburban soccer-moms who get hot ‘n horny thinking about a department store mannequin who refers to his own wife as ” mother”.
— Steve F. (@backyardsage) October 9, 2020
These responses are hilarious. The misogynist guy who looked like a corpse with a bloody eye and a fly on his head who disrespected and talked over two woman all night and calls his wife “Mother” is supposed to be strong and hot? This is seriously comedy gold.
— PattiPalooza (@ganglywhitegirl) October 8, 2020
My vagina just inverted itself.
— KirstenEken #MarineMomsAgainstTrump (@kirsteneken) October 9, 2020
What kind of weirdo are you? Speaking for myself and all my suburban friends and co-workers, we think he’s one of the creepiest men in public life. And that’s the nicest thing we say.
— Vicki Stanbury (@VickiStanbury) October 9, 2020
Brilliant insight as usual.
Women go wild for an ashen, wooden grey haired old bag with flies crawling in his hair.
— Tired Of Winning (@reedsandrods) October 9, 2020
You know, you can just come out and say that’s what *you’re* thinking about when you watch Pence. You don’t need to use suburban women as cover. I can assure you no woman — suburban or otherwise — is thinking that about Pence. 🤢
— The Gaerf ☕️ (@graefix) October 9, 2020
Sure, Pence knows how to feebly underpleasure a woman in one (missionary) position while fully clothed and blindfolded (modesty), praying aloud for Jesus to forgive his non-procreative lustful thoughtcrimes while his face pinches inwards so hard that his nose turns purple
— Terrorcrow, Voracious Demon of the Dumpsters (@ABIRD_CAWCAW) October 9, 2020
Did you need the barf bag? If not, then your stomach is a hell of a lot stronger than mine.